I am annoyed by the habit of calling ex-Presidents by the term, Mr. President, and the spread of this practice to governors, senators, ambassadors, and god knows who else. Let's ask Lewis Black.
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Title: "Retired Titles: Why We Need to Give It a Rest Already"
Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round as we delve into the absurd world of retired titles. Yes, I'm talking about calling every Tom, Dick, and Harry who once held an office by their former title as if they're still running the show. Because, apparently, once a President, always a President, and heaven forbid you slip up and call a former Senator just "Mr." – that's practically blasphemy!
Let's start with the Presidents. You've got a guy who was in office when bell bottoms were a thing, and we're still calling him "Mr. President"? Seriously? The only executive decision he's making these days is whether to go with prune juice or a fiber supplement with his breakfast. But no, let's keep up the charade, because clearly what he did decades ago is still so relevant that we can't bear to just call him by his name like every other Joe on the street.
And don't even get me started on Governors and Senators. Oh, you were a Governor back when dinosaurs roamed the earth? Please, do tell me more while I refer to you with a title that's about as current as your VHS collection. It's like we're living in a world where nobody ever really retires; they just float around in this title limbo, forever reminding us of their glory days.
But here's the kicker: this isn't just about ex-politicians. Oh no, we're an equal opportunity title rehasher. Retired military officers, judges – heck, I bet if you were the head of your high school chess club in '78, someone out there is still calling you "Grandmaster". It's lunacy!
What's next? Are we going to start addressing people by their childhood nicknames too? "Hey, there goes Doctor Poopy-pants, the best darn pediatrician in town!" It's a slippery slope, my friends.
Now, don't get me wrong. Respect is important. But there's a line between respect and living in a fantasy world where titles are like sticky name tags that never come off. It's about time we faced the music and accepted that when your tenure ends, so should your title.
So, here's my proposition: Let's start a new tradition. When someone's term ends, we throw a big party – a 'Title Retirement Party'. We can have a ceremony where we officially unstick that title and maybe even give them a parting gift. How about a nice plaque that reads, "Congratulations on returning to being a regular human being"?
In the end, it's simple: call people by their current role or just their name. It's not just practical; it's a gentle reminder that time moves on, and so should we. And, who knows, it might just help some of these retired officials remember that they're not in charge anymore – which, let's face it, might be the best thing for all of us.