This past week, 3 articles (Medpage, Reuters, 360dx) on Quest non-FDA-approved test for Alzheimer's.
https://www.discoveriesinhealthpolicy.com/2023/09/multiple-articles-concerns-about-quest.html
I asked for a review of the 3, in voice of Louis Black.
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Please review the 3 articles and provide 1 consolidated article, written in the satirical and skeptical voice of Louis Black.
ChatGPT
Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round for a wild ride into the world of cutting-edge Alzheimer's testing! Quest Diagnostics, the company known for your regular blood work, has decided that what you really need is a direct-to-consumer Alzheimer's blood test. That's right, because nothing screams "I want to know if my brain is slowly turning into a sponge" like ordering a test online for the low, low price of $399. It's like online shopping, but instead of cute clothes, you get existential dread.
Now, Quest claims that this test, known as AD-Detect, can spot abnormal levels of beta amyloid in your blood, a protein linked to Alzheimer's disease. They say it can tell you if you're at risk for Alzheimer's before you even start forgetting where you left your keys. Sounds great, right? Well, hold onto your thinking caps, folks, because experts are less than thrilled. They're about as excited as a cat at a dog show.
First of all, this test hasn't been cleared or approved by the FDA. It's like the Wild West of medical testing out here. Sure, Quest says it's all legit, but the Alzheimer's experts are side-eyeing this like it's a suspiciously unmarked van offering free candy. They're concerned about the accuracy of the test and the potential for false positives. Imagine finding out you're at risk for Alzheimer's, only to discover it was a false alarm. That's a rollercoaster of emotions you didn't sign up for when you clicked "buy now."
But wait, there's more! Quest says this test is for anyone 18 and older who's worried about Alzheimer's, but experts are raising their eyebrows higher than a toupee in a windstorm. They're worried that people who test positive but have no symptoms will flood memory clinics, hoping for more tests and treatments. Newsflash: if you're not showing symptoms, you might not even qualify for further testing. It's like trying to get a hangover cure when you haven't touched a drop of alcohol.
In the end, while Quest's AD-Detect test might seem like a convenient way to peek into your Alzheimer's future, it's still got a long way to go before it's the gold standard. So, until then, maybe hold off on that online shopping spree for existential dread, and let the experts do what they do best – researching and testing, so you don't have to become your own medical detective.
