Jiminy Glick interviews Jason Robards, opening with, "What was your favorite part of, Long Day's Journey Into Night?"
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Jiminy Glick Interviews Jason Robards
Scene: A plush, overstuffed chair sits opposite a much smaller, creaky one in a dimly lit theater dressing room. Jiminy Glick, in an ill-fitting suit with a napkin tucked into his collar, leans forward, beaming at the legendary Jason Robards, who looks both bemused and slightly regretful about agreeing to this interview.
Jiminy Glick: [smacking lips, shifting noisily in his chair] Jason Robards! Robards! What a name! Sounds like something you’d order at a fancy restaurant. “Yes, I’ll have the Robards, medium rare, and hold the sauce.” HA! [pauses, as if awaiting applause, then leans in conspiratorially] But, my dear dear sir, tell me, and tell me truly—what was your favorite part of Long Day’s Journey Into Night?
Jason Robards: [chuckles] Well, Jiminy, that’s quite a question. I’d have to say—
Jiminy Glick: [interrupting] Because, you know, I sat through it once. Once. And I’ll tell you, long doesn’t even cover it! My God! At one point, I thought, “Did I die? Is this purgatory?” But, no! It was still going! I checked my watch, and the watch laughed at me!
Jason Robards: [deadpan] Yes, well, it’s a journey, Jiminy. The title does warn you.
Jiminy Glick: [gasping] A journey! HA! And what a depressing little road trip that was! I kept waiting for someone to pull into a Stuckey’s, grab a pecan log, and lighten the mood. But, nooo, just morphine and regret! What a hoot!
Jason Robards: [sincerely] Well, O’Neill wrote from a deeply personal place. The play is tragic, yes, but it’s also profoundly—
Jiminy Glick: [dramatically sighing] Oh, sure, sure! And you, Jason! You were marvelous. So tortured, so pained! I kept thinking, “Does he need a lozenge?” Because you had that voice, that gravelly, tragic voice, like a man who’s been gargling with sadness and maybe a touch of Scotch. And that was acting!
Jason Robards: [shrugging] Well, I was playing James Tyrone. The alcoholism, the regret—
Jiminy Glick: [gasping again] Oh, you were drinking? I knew it! I said to my wife, Dixie, “That man is so convincing, either he’s a genius or he’s had three whiskeys before curtain!” And she said, “Jiminy, stop talking, people can hear you.”
Jason Robards: [laughs] Well, there might’ve been some truth to that once upon a time.
Jiminy Glick: [leaning in] Oh, naughty! I love it! A little backstage tipple to keep the drama flowing! You, my dear sir, are a true thespian. A man of the theater! You make me want to be an actor!
Jason Robards: [dryly] I think you already are one, Jiminy.
Jiminy Glick: [laughs uproariously, then suddenly turns serious] But tell me, Jason—did you ever, in the middle of Act Three, just want to stand up and yell, “Let’s cut to the chase, mother, you’re on morphine, father’s a miser, and Edmund is probably gonna die! Can we all go get a sandwich?!”
Jason Robards: [sighs, rubbing temples] You know, Jiminy, I think you and Eugene O’Neill would’ve gotten along just splendidly.
Jiminy Glick: [grinning, rubbing his belly] Oh, darling! I do love a tortured Irishman. They always know where the good bars are.
—End scene—
