We’ve been married 20 years. The last year or two, my wife has become convinced ice water is best for vases with cut flowers.
- Once or twice a day we put ice cubes into the water.
- I feel it’s an urban myth.
ChatGPT
Your intuition seems to be correct. Generally, cut flowers do best in room temperature or slightly warm water. The idea behind using ice cubes is likely that the slow melt will provide a consistent supply of water, but the cold temperature may not be optimal for the flowers.
The following guidelines will help keep cut flowers fresh for as long as possible:
Clean Vases: Always start with a clean vase to avoid introducing any bacteria that could harm the flowers.
Cut Stems: Cut the stems at a 45-degree angle while they are underwater. This prevents air from getting into the veins in the stem and blocking the flower's ability to take up water.
Room Temperature Water: Use room temperature water in the vase because cold water can be a shock to some flowers and may inhibit their ability to take up water properly.
Remove Leaves: Any leaves that fall below the waterline in the vase should be removed to prevent bacterial growth.
Flower Food: Consider using a commercial flower food, or a homemade version which can be made from sugar, lemon juice, and household bleach. This provides the flowers with nutrients and helps to keep the water bacteria-free.
Regularly Change Water: Changing the water in the vase every two days will help to prevent bacterial growth.
Keep Flowers Cool: Try to keep the flowers in a cool place, out of direct sunlight and away from any heat sources.
The idea of using ice cubes to water plants is more commonly used for potted plants, especially orchids, where the slow release of water can mimic the plant's natural environment. However, for cut flowers, this is not typically recommended.
User
The ice cubes are adding to a big water filled vase, so it’s not about slow release.
ChatGPT
I see, the ice cubes are being used to cool the water. The general consensus among florists and horticulturists is that cut flowers typically do better in room-temperature water, not cold.
The cells of flowers are typically more receptive to water uptake at room temperature, and cold water can sometimes shock the cells, causing them to become less permeable. This can result in the flowers wilting faster.
However, the effect of the ice cubes would also depend on the type of flowers in question. Some flowers, especially those from cooler climates, might tolerate or even appreciate the cooler water. On the other hand, tropical flowers would likely prefer room-temperature or even slightly warm water.
If you and your wife are curious to find out for sure, you could conduct a simple experiment at home. Take two vases with the same type of flowers, keep one with room-temperature water and the other with the water your wife prefers with ice cubes, and observe which one lasts longer.
Remember, the most important factors in extending the life of cut flowers are fresh, clean water, proper trimming of the stems, removing any leaves that would be under the water, and keeping them in a cool, out-of-sunlight location.
User
But I noticed that some florist store a lot of their flowers in stock in large glass refrigerators for display. That might suggest they are not so skeptical about the value of cooling.
ChatGPT
You're correct that florists often store their flowers in cool environments or refrigerators to prolong their freshness. The reason for this is to slow down the rate of respiration. All plants, including cut flowers, breathe, and this process is faster at higher temperatures. By cooling the flowers, florists are essentially slowing down the aging process.
However, there's a key difference between storage conditions and the conditions that cut flowers should be kept in once they're in a vase at home. The refrigerated conditions in a florist's shop are about preserving the flowers before they're sold. Once you bring flowers home, the goal is usually to let them open up and bloom, which is best achieved at room temperature.
Adding ice cubes to the vase may make the water too cold and slow down the opening of the blooms. This is why room temperature water is generally recommended once the flowers are in a vase. But, as mentioned before, different types of flowers may have different preferences, and experimentation might help you determine what works best for the specific flowers you have.
If you have a particular kind of flower in mind, I can provide more specific care advice.
User
How do I explain this messaging to my wife, who is dutifully putting ice cubes into the water twice a day and it seems to give her life a sense of purpose, now that the kids have left for college.
ChatGPT
It's wonderful that your wife has found a routine that she enjoys and that provides her with a sense of purpose. That's truly important. If you'd like to approach this topic with her, I'd suggest doing so gently and with a focus on learning and experimenting together. Here's a possible way to frame the conversation:
"Dear, I've noticed how much you enjoy caring for the flowers, and I love that you've found such a meaningful routine. I've been reading up on flower care out of curiosity and came across some interesting information. Apparently, while florists use cool temperatures to store flowers before they're sold, once we bring them home, room-temperature water might actually help them bloom and last longer. I thought it could be fun for us to experiment together and see if we notice a difference. Of course, if you prefer to continue with the ice cubes, that's perfectly fine too. I just thought it could be a fun thing for us to explore."
This way, you're not telling her she's wrong or trying to take away something she enjoys. Instead, you're suggesting a joint activity that you can do together, and you're leaving the choice entirely up to her. Remember, the most important thing is that she enjoys her routine and the care she gives to the flowers.
User
It seems as if saying that putting the ice in the water "is also perfectly fine," it seems that we are pandering to her fantasy system.
ChatGPT
It's understandable that you might feel this way. However, it's also important to remember that the goal of our actions and conversations in a relationship isn't always to be objectively correct, but also to maintain harmony and show respect for the other person's feelings.
In this case, while the ice cubes may not be providing the benefit your wife believes they are, they're also unlikely to be causing significant harm. If adding the ice cubes is a routine that brings her joy and a sense of purpose, then there might be more to gain from allowing her to continue with it than there is to lose by not having the flowers last as long as they possibly could.
That said, if you feel strongly about this, it's important to communicate your feelings with her. You might say something like:
"Dear, I've been doing some research and I found that most experts recommend using room-temperature water for cut flowers. I know you've been enjoying the routine of adding ice cubes to the vases, but I thought I should share this information with you. I understand if you want to keep doing it your way, but I just wanted to make sure you had all the facts."
The key is to present the information in a respectful and non-confrontational way, and to let her make her own decision about how to proceed. It's possible that she'll be interested in trying a new approach, or she might prefer to stick with her current routine. Either way, it's important to respect her choice.
User
Could we wait until the children come home from college, and add several close neighbors who are sensible people, and stage an intervention.
ChatGPT
Staging an intervention is typically reserved for serious issues such as substance abuse or other behaviors that are causing significant harm to the individual or those around them. Using ice cubes in flower vases, while possibly not the most effective method for prolonging the life of cut flowers, is not harmful and doesn't warrant such a serious response.
Moreover, staging an intervention over something like this could come across as disrespectful and demeaning, which could harm your relationship with your wife. It might give her the impression that her actions are being judged and that she's being ganged up on, which could lead to feelings of embarrassment or resentment.
If this is something you feel strongly about, the best course of action is to have a direct, respectful conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sharing your research and expressing your thoughts in a considerate way could lead to a productive conversation.
However, as mentioned before, it's also important to consider the emotional impact. If adding ice cubes to the water brings your wife joy and provides her with a sense of purpose, that emotional benefit may outweigh any potential benefit to the flowers from changing the routine. It's crucial to balance the objective facts with the emotional aspects of the situation.
User
Are couples counselors, such as MFT’s, trained to help with this sort of issue?
ChatGPT
Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are indeed trained to help couples navigate a wide range of issues, including communication difficulties, conflict resolution, and understanding each other's perspectives.
While the specific issue of using ice cubes in a vase of flowers may seem minor, if it's representative of larger communication or relationship dynamics that you're concerned about, then seeking guidance from a professional like an MFT could be very helpful. For example, if you feel your thoughts and opinions aren't being heard, or if there's a pattern of dismissing each other's perspectives, a therapist could help you both develop healthier communication habits.
If this is an isolated incident and not indicative of broader issues in your relationship, you may want to consider whether seeking professional help is necessary. As mentioned before, a respectful, direct conversation might be all that's needed to address this specific concern.
In any case, it's always okay to seek professional guidance if you feel it could be beneficial. Therapists are there to help individuals and couples navigate all sorts of challenges, big and small.
User
Are there any advantages, even if it’s more expensive, to working with a psychiatrist who has chosen to focus on marital issues.
ChatGPT
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in mental health, including substance use disorders. Psychiatrists can diagnose and treat mental health disorders and are able to prescribe medication. While some psychiatrists do offer counseling services, their training and approach are generally more medically oriented than those of a psychologist or a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT).
If there are underlying mental health issues in your relationship, such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD, that could be contributing to your marital issues, a psychiatrist could be very beneficial. They can provide a comprehensive treatment approach that includes both therapy and medication management.
However, if the issues you're dealing with are more about communication, understanding each other's perspectives, and navigating conflicts or disagreements (like the ice cubes in the vase situation), an MFT or a psychologist with a focus on couples or marital therapy may be more appropriate. These professionals are specifically trained in therapeutic techniques to address relational and communication issues.
It's also worth noting that seeing a psychiatrist can indeed be more expensive than seeing a psychologist or an MFT, and that not all psychiatrists provide therapy. Some primarily provide medication management and work in conjunction with therapists who provide the counseling component of treatment.
In the end, the best professional for you will depend on your specific needs and circumstances. You might consider starting with a licensed therapist who specializes in couples counseling, and if you feel that there are deeper psychological or medical issues at play, you could then seek out a psychiatrist for a comprehensive evaluation.
User
At what point would we worry about this escalating to a 5150 situation?
ChatGPT
A 5150 is a section of the California Welfare and Institutions Code (WIC) which allows a person with a mental illness to be involuntarily detained for a 72-hour psychiatric hospitalization due to risk of harm to self, harm to others, or severe disability (being unable to provide for basic personal needs for health and safety).
The behavior you've described regarding your wife's habit of putting ice cubes in the vase does not suggest a mental health crisis. It seems to be more about differing opinions on flower care rather than any concern for her safety, your safety, or her ability to care for herself.
If you start to notice signs of serious mental health issues—like sudden changes in behavior, mood, or personality; expressions of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts; or difficulty in performing daily tasks—then it would be time to seek professional help immediately. However, based on what you've shared so far, it seems that your concerns are more about communication and understanding within your relationship, rather than a potential psychiatric emergency.
If you're worried about your wife's mental health, it would be a good idea to have a gentle, supportive conversation about these concerns and suggest that she speak with a mental health professional for an evaluation. If she's resistant, you could consider seeking advice from a mental health professional on your own to get guidance on how best to handle the situation. But remember, a 5150 or similar involuntary commitment is a serious step that's only taken when someone is in immediate danger due to their mental health condition. It doesn't seem like your current situation meets that criteria based on the information you've provided.
User
Aha. The focus we need to be on harm to self, or harm to others, not harm to the cut flowers.
ChatGPT
Correct. A 5150 or similar involuntary psychiatric hold is intended for situations where a person poses a serious threat to themselves or others due to a mental illness. This could include, for example, situations where a person is suicidal, is threatening to harm others, or is so severely ill that they're unable to care for their own basic needs.
The care of cut flowers, while it may be a point of disagreement or concern, does not pose a risk to anyone's safety. It's important to distinguish between behaviors that might be eccentric, unusual, or frustrating and those that indicate a serious mental health crisis. From what you've shared, it seems that your situation falls into the former category.
If you're having trouble communicating about this issue or if it's causing significant tension in your relationship, a couples counselor or therapist could be very helpful. They can provide strategies for effective communication and help you both understand each other's perspectives.
User
My concerns about the potential ramifications of this ice water situation seem to border on the paranoid, and now I wonder if I’m the crazy one.
ChatGPT
It's completely normal to have concerns and worries about situations that seem unusual or confusing, especially when they involve someone you care about. It's also common to question our own perceptions and reactions in these situations. This doesn't necessarily mean you're "crazy." It might mean that you're trying to understand a complex situation and are aware of the potential for misunderstanding or bias in your own perspective. This level of self-awareness is actually a healthy thing.
However, if you're frequently finding yourself consumed with worry or paranoia, or if these feelings are causing significant distress or affecting your daily life, it could be helpful to speak with a mental health professional. They can provide an objective perspective and help you develop strategies for managing these feelings.
As for the ice water situation, remember that it's okay to have different opinions and approaches. It's also okay to share your perspective with your wife in a respectful way. It sounds like this situation has become a significant source of stress for you, so it might be beneficial to discuss it with a counselor or therapist, either on your own or together with your wife.
art: bing.com/create
